“I am just not good enough.” “I’ll never make the team.” “I’m so ugly.” “I can’t do it.” ...When you hear your child speak poorly about themselves or their abilities, it can be tempting to simply disagree with them. However, that doesn’t address the root of the issue - a lack of self compassion. When you have a flaw, mistake, difficulty, or failure, self compassion means showing yourself kindness and understanding. Self compassion is very important to me, as someone with a chronic autoimmune illness. It is all too easy to feel angry with myself, or my body, on hard days. Cultivating self compassion helps me through difficult health moments, and it can help anyone through a variety of life’s challenges (even if you don’t manage a chronic condition!). It is so important to help young people learn self-compassion early, so they can build resilience and support themselves throughout life.

During Social Emotional Coaching sessions, I help children and teens to learn how to build their self-compassion toolkit, through mindfulness, art, yoga, and literature.

Elements of Self Compassion

Self Kindness is learning to be gentle and calm with oneself. -- “I feel sad.” -- Common Humanity means understanding that struggle and imperfection are shared human experiences. -- “Sadness is a human emotion. Everyone feels sad sometimes.” -- Mindfulness is learning how to observe thoughts, rather than suppressing or over-exaggerating them. -- “I accept my sadness, and I will overcome this situation.” --

5 Ways to Increase Self-Compassion

These are some ways I help young clients learn to practice self-compassion. Building a culture of self-compassion at home is a wonderful way to help instill the idea. Like any new skill, learning self compassion takes time and practice.

Practice and model self compassion
Encourage children to embrace mistakes and learn from failure
Strengthen “inner coach” language, to replace inner critic
Spend time learning about social emotional themes
Practice Lovingkindness with meditation or writing a self-compassion letter

Lovingkindness Meditation to Embrace Self-Compassion:

"May I Be Happy"
"May I Be Safe"
"May I Be Healthy"
"May I Be Peaceful"