Testing 1-2-3

Test Anxiety

As test season rolls around, I wanted to share some thoughts about testing anxiety. It is totally natural to feel worried before a test. However, sometimes test stress can cause unnecessary anxiety, impacting life prior to a test and testing performance. Spending hours and hours worrying, or staying up late studying, often does more harm than good.

An Important Reminder for Students:
“It is totally normal and okay to feel anxious before a test. However, the purpose of this test is to give your teacher information. Testing lets your teacher know what they need to spend more time on with you. It can also give you information about what you might spend more time studying in the future.”

Below are several simple ways to reframe the idea of testing in general, and to help manage test taking worry.
 

BEFORE THE TEST:

Identify What You Feel Anxious About

• Example: Unknown or Doing Poorly

• Catastrophic Thinking? >> Use the strategy here!

Create a Schedule & Prepare Over Time

• 20 minutes a day is better than 2 hours the night before

• Ask your teacher questions you have about the test

• After studying, find relaxing activities to take your mind off of the upcoming test

Create Study Materials That Help You Feel Confident 

• One Sheet Review Tool

• Reorganize Notes and Materials

Know the Format of the Test

• Ask Teacher for Info

• Practice Similar Questions

Cultivate a Growth Mindset

• Pick a growth mindset mantra, to remind yourself that tests are a snapshot in time and that you always have the opportunity to make improvements for the future.

DURING THE TEST:

Pick an Answer and Stick With It

• Narrow down multiple choice problems as much as you can

• Second guessing often leads to wasted time & wrong answers!

Break Questions Up

• If you get stuck, try working backwards or coming back to a problem later

Practice Mindfulness

• Stay in the present moment, and attend to one question at a time

• Bring attention to your breath, or the contact points your body has with the floor, or the chair you are in.

Accept When You Don’t Know Something

• Don’t spend too much time on any one question!

• Sometimes the best way to manage anxiety about a question is to accept that you don’t know the answer to a question and move on. It’s OKAY to miss a question.

• If you feel that the test was unfair, you can advocate with your teacher later.

Happy Spring!

If your child/teen deals with excessive worry around school, or testing, I am currently accepting new clients.

I work with your child/teen to help them learn tools and strategies for school-related worry. I also support a variety of other social emotional and educational goals. Please visit the Little Plum website to learn more about my services, and e-mail me for a free initial consultation to discuss your child's goals and needs.

In gratitude,
Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

Developing Self Compassion

“I am just not good enough.” “I’ll never make the team.” “I’m so ugly.” “I can’t do it.” ...When you hear your child speak poorly about themselves or their abilities, it can be tempting to simply disagree with them. However, that doesn’t address the root of the issue - a lack of self compassion. When you have a flaw, mistake, difficulty, or failure, self compassion means showing yourself kindness and understanding. Self compassion is very important to me, as someone with a chronic autoimmune illness. It is all too easy to feel angry with myself, or my body, on hard days. Cultivating self compassion helps me through difficult health moments, and it can help anyone through a variety of life’s challenges (even if you don’t manage a chronic condition!). It is so important to help young people learn self-compassion early, so they can build resilience and support themselves throughout life.

During Social Emotional Coaching sessions, I help children and teens to learn how to build their self-compassion toolkit, through mindfulness, art, yoga, and literature.
 

Elements of Self Compassion

Self Kindness is learning to be gentle and calm with oneself. -- “I feel sad.” -- Common Humanity means understanding that struggle and imperfection are shared human experiences. -- “Sadness is a human emotion. Everyone feels sad sometimes.” -- Mindfulness is learning how to observe thoughts, rather than suppressing or over-exaggerating them. -- “I accept my sadness, and I will overcome this situation.” --

5 Ways to Increase Self-Compassion

These are some ways I help young clients learn to practice self-compassion. Building a culture of self-compassion at home is a wonderful way to help instill the idea. Like any new skill, learning self compassion takes time and practice.

• Practice and model self compassion
  

• Encourage children to embrace mistakes and learn from failure
  

• Strengthen “inner coach” language, to replace inner critic
  

• Spend time learning about social emotional themes
  

• Practice Lovingkindness with meditation or writing a self-compassion letter

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Lovingkindness Meditation to Embrace Self-Compassion:

"May I Be Happy"
"May I Be Safe"
"May I Be Healthy"
"May I Be Peaceful"

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It's a Catastrophe!

With everything going on in the world today, it’s not difficult to start catastrophizing lately. Even when we are not in the middle of a pandemic, catastrophic thinking can cause big feelings of anxiety and worry.

Catastrophic thoughts are sometimes called “snowball thoughts”. These thoughts start out as small worries, and quickly snowball into larger ones. An example of this thinking pattern is: “I might fail my math test,” which turns into, “I will fail this class,” and then, “I am never going to get into college or have a job”.

Identifying the thought pattern is the first step to changing it. Below is a 5 step strategy that can help give the thoughts less power.

A Catastrophic Thinking Strategy:

• Gather Information

  Write down everything you know to be true about the situation.
  

• Worst Case

  Write the WORST possible outcome, no matter how unlikely it is.
  

• In a Perfect World

  Write the BEST possible outcome, with as much detail as possible.
  

• Most Likely

  Write the outcome that is most possible, given all of the facts. Be honest about the realities. Often this outcome is somewhere between the two extreme outcomes.
  

• Create a Plan

  Last, create a plan of action, based on the most likely scenario.

If you notice the pattern:

If you notice that your child is catastrophizing, it can be helpful to describe these worries as snowball thoughts, and encourage your child to take steps that give them less power.

Example responses:

• "Is that a snowball thought?”

• “How can you reframe that story?"

• “What steps can you take to melt that snowball thought?”

Feeling Overwhelmed?

You are not alone. 

Overwhelm tends to creep in slowly, and suddenly feel heavy. It can cause us to avoid tasks, or make any challenge feel unsurmountable.

For kids, overwhelm can show up as refusal, power struggles, and tantrums. Social emotional coaching can help children learn to express their needs in a more constructive way, and learn tools to help manage overwhelm. Consulting can help parents learn tools for helping manage challenging behaviors.

I have compiled a list of tips for families looking to manage overwhelm. I hope these simple tools help you and your family during this challenging time!

Managing Overwhelm:

• Simplify + Prioritize

  Start with small, manageable goals. Sort your to-do list into "must do" and "do later." I also sometimes sort my daily to do list into "must do / get to". Or pick the top 3 to-do items for the day and start there. Sorting the list help to conceptualize what is truly needing to be done. Keep the most important tasks in front of you or your child, and let the other items fall away until they become a "must do".
  

• Use a Timer

  I often recommend a "Time Timer" to clients. There are other timers, or free online tools like "Howler Timer" or www.tomato-timer.com that help in the same way. Timers help make tasks feel like they have a tangible end. If your child is working on schoolwork and there is no end in sight, that can cause overwhelm. If the same task is being done, and there is a visual timer that shows there is an end in sight, it make it much less overwhelming.
  

• Breaks

  Intentional structured breaks can help brains reset and be able to take on more. Trying a fun breathing exercise, doing yoga stretches or jumping jacks, or listening to music are some example of helpful breaks to reset.
  

• Schedules

  There is a reason most teachers have a structured schedule for the school day. Kids thrive when they know what to expect, and having a framework helps everyone move through the day more smoothly. The schedule doesn't have to be to the minute, even a loose daily schedule can make a big difference.
  

• Delegate or Delete

  Are you doing more than your fair share? What can you (or your child) let go of, and delegate to someone else? How can you allocate some tasks to another person or company? What can you let go of altogether?
  

• Celebrate the Small Things

  A simple gratitude practice can make a big difference. Practice celebrating small wins, or positive moments. Some simple ways to include this practice daily is to share one thing you are grateful for, perhaps at a meal or before bed. Another option is to share 3 positive moments each evening. A gratitude practice helps train our minds to notice the positive in life.

I hope these tips help you and your family, 
as we look forward to a unique start to the 2020 school year.

In Gratitude,
Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

Staying Connected

Ideas for Staying Connected

There are so many creative ways to stay in touch with friends and family. Below are a few ideas for keeping connection interesting and fun, while staying at home:

Cook-Along

Find a recipe and do a bake or cook-along with another family member or friend. Make sure to try all your treats together and share notes. This recipe from Smitten Kitchen is a delicious spring treat! Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp Bars 

Talent Show

Host a virtual "talent show" with another family, or a group of friends. Pick serious, or silly, talents to show off, and treat it like a Youtube-style tutorial. Some ideas include "boiling an egg," "drawing a __," or "tying my shoes". 

Game Night

There are several ways to play games with friends on iPad Apps, and other gaming consoles. Some other ideas include: Let's Play Uno, Exploding Kittens Mobile App, Words with Friends, Jackbox Games, or pogo.com

Movie Night

Netflix Party or Disney Plus are both ways to watch the same movie as a friend, at the same time. After the movie, or the next day, you can have a digital meeting or phone call to discuss the movie!

Pen Pals

Pick a friend, or find a new friend, to be pen pals with! You can send notes, art, friendship bracelets, and more through the mail. It's an exciting moment to receive something special in the mail, and a fun project to create something for someone else.

Pet Stories

Sometimes kids aren't sure what to talk about on a video call, so providing a prompt can help. One prompt idea, if you have a pet, is to introduce pets via video conferencing, and tell a funny story about the pet (or make one up!). If you don't have a pet, you can introduce stuffed animals or toys! The Chat Pack deck is another great resources for fun conversation topics.

Thinking of you!

Sweet Dreams

SWEET DREAMS

I hope everyone is staying healthy! Sending gratitude to all the essential workers, parents, and to everyone staying at home to keep our communities safe.

I have been hearing from parents that falling asleep has been a challenge for many kids lately. It's understandable. Routines are off, stress is high, school is different, and worry thoughts are swirling for most people. Sometimes saying "It's Time for bed!" is not enough to create the environment needed to invite sleep.

Tips to make bedtime smoother and sweeter:

Routine

• Create a consistent bedtime routine, starting around the same time each night. This is a very important piece! This helps to regulate circadian rhythms.

• If it works for your family, a checklist of nightly routine items can be helpful for a child to follow. You can keep it in a plastic sleeve and use a dry erase marker to cross off items.

Nighttime Yoga Poses

• Incorporate a few restorative yoga poses into your child’s routine, such as child’s pose, head-to-knee pose, happy baby pose, or reclining twist. Hold each pose for 5-10 breaths, and follow with a guided meditation, or books.

Guided Meditations

• Imaginations: Fun Relaxation Stories & Meditations for Kids (I & II) by Carolyn Clarke

• Relax...It’s Karmatime - Magical Meditations for Children by Justine Aldersey-Williams 

• The podcast “Nothing Much Happens” could be a good fit for older children and teens.

Easing Nighttime Anxiety

• Prior to bedtime, talk to your child about “Roses and Thorns”. What were your favorite parts of the day? What do you need to get off your chest before bed that was not so great? You can also call this "Talk Time." A "Brain Dump Journal", to write in each night, can be helpful for older kids and teens.

• Use LOGIC. Help a child realize many of their nighttime fears are unfounded by using logic together. Even very young children can benefit from this practice.

• Create a relaxing space with essential oil diffusers, soft blankets, and favorite stuffed animals. Try to keep most toys in another area of the house, or put away toys in the bedroom before bed.

• Let your child smudge the room with essential oil spray, to clear the anxious feelings and welcome feelings of comfort.
   

More Grounding Sleep Aids

• Weighted Blanket 

  • Weighted blankets should be about 10% of a child's body weight. These blankets can help a child to feel secure and reduce nighttime anxiety.

• White Noise Machine 

  • Use white noise or white noise app with a speaker to create a soothing sound.

• Oil Foot or Hand Massage in Evening

  • Give your child a relaxing foot or hand massage, with calming essential oils in a carrier oil, such as coconut oil or jojoba before bed. A calming scent can become a soothing message to the mind that it is time to relax.

• Herbal Tea

  • Sharing a small cup of herbal / non-caffeinated tea about an hour before bedtime can be a relaxing and calming ritual.

If anxiety is the main factor for interrupted sleep, SEL coaching can help your child, and your family, to learn cognitive tools to manage anxious bedtime thoughts. E-mail ally@littleplumeducation.com to set up SEL session via Zoom.

I hope this post helps to make bedtime a little sweeter during this period of social isolation!

In gratitude,

Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

Health Anxiety in Children

It can be tempting to “shield” children completely from frightening news, like the spread of coronavirus. However, it can do more harm than good to not talk about things going on in the world with your children, especially if they’ve begun to ask questions, or show concern. They may also be hearing misinformation from others, or seeing overwhelming things online. Without context, this can spiral quickly into health anxiety, fear, and worry. It is also a good opportunity to teach your child how to respond to future news stories that may incite fear. — Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

What to Do?:

• Listen

  Provide a space for your child to talk about their concerns. Create space for their feelings.
   

• Model a Calm Response

  Model a calm and measured response, rooted in logic. This is the most helpful thing you can do!
   

• Avoid Constant Reassurance

  Reassuring a worry thought can give it more power. Providing information and modeling logical reasoning is more impactful.
   

• Provide Accurate Information

  There are several great resources online with comics, videos, and more to help explain the coronavirus to children (see below for some examples). Present information in a way that is appropriate for the child's maturity level.

2 Great Resources for Helping Kids Learn About Coronavirus:

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/02/28/809580453/just-for-kids-a-comic-exploring-the-new-coronavirus

https://www.brainpop.com/health/diseasesinjuriesandconditions/coronavirus/

Teaching Proper Hygiene:

As we all know, kids are not always mindful of germs spreading! So, we can take this opportunity to teach proper hand-washing techniques. We can also help kids to learn to sneeze into their elbow/tissues, and to avoid touching their faces in public spaces.

One fun way to teach hand washing to young children is to use eco-friendly glitter, or sand, to visually show them how to wash their hands properly. Explain that germs act like the glitter/sand, but we cannot see them. So, it is important to use soap and water to thoroughly wash our hands before eating, and after being in public spaces (like the restroom).

I hope these tips are helpful for talking about coronavirus with your family!

In gratitude,
Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

Perfectly Imperfect

“If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.”

- Margaret Atwood

I am a recovering perfectionist myself, and it is something I love to help kids with. I understand first hand what it is like to be paralyzed by fear of failure, or imperfection. Or to think that perfect is the only option, if that is what you’ve delivered in the past. It’s tough stuff. Perfectionism can rear its head early in life. It can even be seen in toddlers! If not addressed, it often remains throughout adulthood. Perfectionism can stop kids from trying new things, playing games (for fear of losing), making art, and more. It can also cause added stress and anxiety, or even manifest itself as anger when something doesn’t go quite as planned. I help children learn to see the beauty in imperfection, and learn what can be gained from failing. It can be difficult work, but it is so worth working to overcome.
 

“There will nearly always be the option to try again, and learn from failure. If you make a mistake, you are not defined by it.”
- Ally Schmidt, M.Ed. of Little Plum Education

Some ways to help kids overcome perfectionism at home:

Draw with Eyes Closed
- Practice drawing or painting with your child, but occasionally add the twist of closing your eyes! This takes away the urge to add tons of detail and obsess over imperfections. Praise efforts, laugh, and have fun!

Model Turning Imperfection into Something New
- Next time something doesn’t turn out quite right, model turning lemons into lemonade. Maybe your knitting project isn’t quite what you thought it would be. What else could it turn into, or how could you change the use? Talk to your kids about what you learned from this trial, and how you’d change how you try again next time.

Be Beginners Together
- Sometimes kids think their parents or a professional-anything just woke up a pianist, or a soccer star, and don’t realize it takes practice to master most hobbies, professions, and crafts. Try something new with your child that you are also a beginner at. When they see that even adults can be beginners, they will start to reframe their thoughts and adopt a growth mindset with you.

Praise Effort and Growth Mindset
- Praising effort and giving something a try, instead of being result-oriented, is a small powerful shift. When kids give something a try for the first time, they are putting themselves out there for critique, and possible failure. It can feel really scary! Praising the risk to try something, no matter how small, can help them feel more confidence to keep practicing, or try other things.

Read Stories About Overcoming Perfectionism
- I often post book recommendations on my Instagram (@littleplum.education) that fit this category, and I'd be happy to recommend an age-appropriate story for your child to have at home, if perfectionism is something they are working on! One multi-age favorite is "Beautiful Oops" by Barney Saltzberg. It's a kid-friendly art book, and the central idea is embracing imperfection.

If your child is struggling with perfectionism, and it's something they may need SEL coaching for, email ally@littleplumeducation.com to set up a free initial meeting.

I hope everyone is having a good start to 2020. Happy New Year to you and your family!

In gratitude,
Ally Schmidt, M.Ed

Gratitude Practice

It’s becoming darker earlier, and emotions are shifting along with the daylight. Just as some adults struggle with winter blues, children can also be impacted by the season. Luckily, winter offers some bright holiday moments to lift the winter dullness. The holidays are a great time to bring attention to thankfulness and gratitude. Gratitude is a bit of a buzzword these days, and for good reason. Research has shown evidence that a gratitude practice can make you (and your child) happier, and healthier!

Gratitude is not something that we are born with. We must learn, practice, and cultivate gratitude in our lives. It may feel like you are a broken record helping a child to learn to say “thank you” to waitstaff, or to write thank you cards for family members and friends, but simple practices like these can lead to more thankfulness later in life; it’s truly never too early to plant the seed of gratitude.

This article from Harvard Health discusses the evidence-based gratitude practices that can lead to greater happiness:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

Benefits of a Gratitude Practice:

• Increase Happiness

• Lower Stress

• Improve Relationships

“Don’t get hung up on WHAT your child is grateful for. Practicing the expression of thankfulness is the goal when teaching gratitude to children. Help your child find what matters to them, and show them how to express their gratitude to others.” - Ally Schmidt, M.Ed.

SIMPLE WAYS TO PRACTICE GRATITUDE WITH YOUR CHILD:

​Record

• Written Journal

• Audio/Video Diary

• Gratitude Drawings or Collage

• ABCs of Gratitude

​Rituals 

• Bedtime

• Meals

• After School​

​Repetition

• Lead by Example

• ​Send Thank You’s Regularly

• Express Gratitude Openly

Guiding children and teens to recognize the light in their lives can help them focus their attention to the positivity they are surrounded by, and in turn make them happier and healthier. It's certainly worth a try!

I am currently accepting new clients for social emotional coaching for 2020! If your child could use guidance with social skills, anger management, resisting impulsivity, building confidence, overcoming worry, or other SEL skills -- email ally@littleplumeducation.com to schedule a free initial consult. I specialize in Autism/ADHD, and also work with children with/without learning differences.

Bribes vs Incentives

I want to open a conversation about bribes vs. incentives, and give you some ideas about impactful approaches to changing challenging behaviors. Lots of parents I work with express a desire to move away from bribing their children to make good choices. Once someone understands the difference between a bribe and an incentive, implementing incentives becomes second nature.
 

Bribes

Bribes are bargains for behavior changes. They may look similar to incentives, but the motivation behind them is to stop something undesired and essentially conduct “damage control”.
 

Incentives

Incentives are motivating rewards to encourage desired behavior. Even adults enjoy incentives! Would you go to work if you didn’t get anything in exchange for your time and energy? Even volunteering experiences, for no money or tangible rewards, have incentives: building community, spending time doing something you love, making friends, and helping others. The idea is that using incentives will help children become more intrinsically motivated to make positive choices, eventually allowing the incentive to fall away or lessen.
 

What's the Difference?

Incentives are helpful tools to help with behavior, compliance, routines, and more. Bribes are attempts to stop an undesired behavior. Incentives can help extinguish or lessen unwanted behaviors. Bribes might work in the moment, but the unwanted behavior typically returns, or even increases. The idea with implementing incentives is to focus on the rewarding positive things you see, rather than coerce with a reward after the negative behavior starts. If an incentive is already put in place, a reminder about the incentive is okay - it is all about the motivation behind the reward. If the goal is to cultivate more good, rather than "stop the bad" -- that is what you want to embrace!

Implementing Incentives

There are many different ways to implement rewards/incentives, but an approach that has worked for several of my clients are either points, or stickers, to earn daily -- for a listed out checklist of behaviors/tasks that can earn the point/sticker, and those points/stickers add up to earning something the child would really enjoy. The actually incentive will depend on what motivates the child, but could include things like a trip to the park, going to the movies, a treat, or time spent doing something fun at home. One way to track reward progress is to make a dry erase chart or printed chart with the days of the week, and add up the points/stickers at the end of each week. The idea is to catch the child "being good" and cultivate more of that!! If you are seeing frequent difficult behaviors, you may start with a daily incentive, and work up to a weekly, biweekly, or monthly incentive.

Example of Weekly Point System:

"Earn 20 minutes of iPad time on Saturday, if you earn 15 points this week!"

Points can be earned by:

1. Transitioning with a Positive Attitude
2. Cleaning Up Toys
3. Saying 1 Kind Thing to a Family Member
4. Asking for Help in a Calm Voice
5. Finishing Homework
… & Add any other desired behavior(s)!

You can set a desired points “goal”, and then challenge your child to start earning! 

Happy incentivizing! <3