Every parent knows the challenge of engaging in a power struggle with a child. It often ends with no real winners, and leaves everyone frustrated, tired, and defeated. But, what is your child communicating by engaging in power struggles? Authority is a foundational part of social emotional development, and children are figuring out there is a reward when they engage in certain behaviors. Caretakers can reduce this urge in a variety of ways, while satisfying the need for autonomy.

If you find yourself engaging in power struggles more often than you would like, consider signing your child up for Social Emotional Coaching with Little Plum Education. SEL Coaching provides children with tools for self-regulation and offers support for parents, leading to smoother transitions and more peaceful interactions.

Little Plum is booking now for Fall SEL Coaching and Educational Therapy. E-mail ally@littleplumeducation.com to secure your spot!

5 Approaches to Power Struggles:

CHOICES
Create opportunities for autonomy by presenting non-limiting choices. When there are non-negotiables, give time options (“We can leave in 10 minutes, or right now, gymnastics starts at 4!”). If you run into grey areas (ie: it’s cold and the child is refusing a jacket) have the child bring the garment with them in bag, so if they notice they are cold, it is available to them.

ROUTINES & FOSTERING INDEPENDENCE
Routine is your friend! Referring to a routine can help a child be the one to remember to do certain activities necessary. You can help them remember certain checklist items, but work towards independence. Family rules are helpful (ie: we always wash our hands before we eat). Schedules are also important (ie: we go to bed at 8pm, so we have time for 1 or 2 books and then the lights go out!).

“I UNDERSTAND”
Validating feelings can be helpful to ensure the child they are heard. Maybe you even feel similarly about certain tasks! ;)

MODELING
Model & point out times that you practice flexibility, compromise, following routine, or other helpful traits.

BE MINDFUL OF ACCIDENTALLY REWARDING
Negative attention is still attention. Decide your response for certain situations, and stick to them! “A tug on the rope is still a tug”, even if it’s well meaning.